An Exploration into The Laws Of Attraction: Stud Love

I’m from Philly. Now Philly is no South Florida by any stretch of the imagination but within the realm of social interactions, Philly has this place beat. From the moment I stepped on the tarmac I’ve been crippled with regret.

Amongst the filth and constant construction of Philly lies a truly urban city. You get the hustle and bustle of a metropolis coupled with the personality of ethnically and culturally diverse neighborhoods. As a true urbanite I walked the streets, rode the bus, biked to work and enjoyed constant human interaction. Although most women don’t walk around waving their gay flags, I had opportunities to meet people and strike up a conversation during my daily travels. These opportunities made dating easier back home. I spent little time online trolling message boards or bogus clubs looking for love.

My search for a solider has been fruitless because the pickings are so very slim in the 954. First off the people are rude here. On the rare occasion you are walking in the street you’re greeted with lowered heads and strange stares. It may be the company I keep or the places I frequent but the quality of the people I meet on the scene just isn’t good. I’m not searching for a Ph.D but at least have a GED. I've always heard that the south is late on pop culture trends and that couldn’t be more evident than with the women I meet here. They are still wearing extra baggy clothes or the rock star gear and it's simply depressing.

Fresh from a break-up I ventured with my posse of tri-sexuals to this gay dive bar Jay’s. It was their first time and I warned them of the fuckery that was sure to ensue. As I prepared for a night of “wassup mah” and “you looking real fly wit that baldhead,” I was also prepared to be open to whatever or whoever drifted my way. I won’t spill all the beans about the trip Sheba, Pink and I took into the deep swallows of the Ft. Lauderdale Black Lesbian social scene, but let’s just say I fear that these women are bi and bi-curious no longer…it was that tragic.

Midway through the night, as I was loosing myself in Sheba's mind altering alcoholic brew, I tried to convince both them and myself that there is hope. We were posted up looking like three fly chicks with attitude when our conversation drifted into the “benefits” of dating a stud.

Stud is a term for a butch female commonly used by black lesbians. Being a stud has less to do with clothing than it does with a state of mind. For lack of a cliché studs have a swagger. A tasty infusion of style, personality, bravado and chutzpah that makes them desired by many lesbians and envied by others who lack the qualities.

I used to believe that if I was going to be a lesbian I wanted to be with a woman who looked and acted like a woman; mainly because it was easier to hide amongst the masses, but more so because that shit wasn’t cute. I could appreciate what studs had to offer but I could never understand why they didn’t want to celebrate their womanhood. You have a fat ass, sexy hips, beautiful skin, athletic bodies and you want to deny the world your splendor? I simply couldn’t get it.

Over time I'vehad they opportunity to befriend a few studs and both my feelings and their appeal changed. Now I know they are misunderstood. We can get into the science behind gender identity and chemical imbalances, but my main observation is that their lifestyle isn’t a choice or trend - it's what comes natural to them. Now I’ve experienced posers and people who are "extra" but I'm convinced that if you give a stud a chance, a true stud will have you like Jerry Maguire “at hello.”

A boi (stud) is smooth. I look at it like an eat the meat and through away the fat type of situation. They can relate to what it means to be a woman, in addition to embracing the traits that attract you to a man. I’ve typically dated femmes aka lipstick lesbians and it’s been nice. Femmes personify what it means to be feminine - soft skin, lady like mannerisms, a submissive personality. Yet these same qualities are also their greatest faults because femmes can be high maintenance. I am an aggressive femme (think pitbull in a skirt) and those damn femmes/lipstick lesbian/pillow princesses are not worth the heartache that often accompanies enjoying their big butts and smiles.

Being with a stud gives me a sense of security and strength I’ve never been able to find with a femme. In my experience, studs tend to be more masculine and often assume a dominant role in the relationship, acting as the provider and protector. And to top it off they "look good in them jeans." Moreover, studs make great lovers. In comparison to femmes, studs aim to please at all costs and similar to a man, an unsatisfied customer is an ego bruiser.

There are some draw backs. Most hardcore studs like to be referred to with masculine pronouns, which is hard to get used to but some women accommodate. Some have body issues and resort to taping of their breasts and growing facial hair, even taking hormones. These types of extremes have less to do with being gay and more to do with emotional and sexual issues. And to my disbelief some studs don’t want their woman to touch or please them during physical interaction, i.e. sucking their nipples or oral sex and in these situations penetration is surely out the question.

I've been asked, "if you're attracted to the manly qualities of a stud why not be with a man?" Well naysayers it’s deeper than that. Dating a stud is the best of both worlds.

Yes, my girl looks good in her Sean John or a suit but when she peels them off, I feel like Johnny Gill ("My, My, My"), the physique is there. Have you ever seen a fat ass and full hips in a pair of boxers briefs!? Because my woman is in touch with her masculine and feminine emotions I get an unfathomable emotional understanding I can’t find with a man. She's chivalrous, understands PMS, and can buss another bitch’s ass if she steps out of line.

A pretti boi loves to please my body. She appreciates my imperfections and praises my sexiness. She is skilled with her hands, tongue, toys and strip, a true master of her craft. It’s not about lying on her back and getting her pussy eaten. A stud is all about pleasing her woman, putting in work and making sure the job is done right Malcolm style, by any means necessary.

At the end of the day who you fall in love with can't be controlled, but cutting off an entire sector of the lesbian community can truthfully hinder the process. Don’t you wanna be happy...

Ever been convinced to try something new and liked it?