Please Stop Frontin’

During the post break-up conversation where you former significant other encourages you to state your concerns I mentioned she wasn’t adventurous and that I perceived her as being a prude. Maybe it was a tinge of transference but that was the picture I painted of my old head. Since neither of us can let go I found myself at club Lust Saturday night with her. Together but apart trying to groove in a Latin lesbian club. Three drinks in and salsaed out I was ready for a change of scenery.

The problem with being honest but not clear is that people never understand the true meaning of your words. Like any red blooded American I say prude she thinks sex. I say unadventurous she thinks sex club. It had been an entire week with no sex and a club full of JLos didn’t help. Against my better judgment I agreed. Scratch that I’m a freak nasty whore who wanted to be fucked in front of others so I agreed.

The parking lot was pretty empty but I'd already committed so we pressed on. Your typical oversized black man in the too tight suit was guarding the front door. And after reading all the DANGER, PROCEED WITH CAUTION, SEX AT YOUR OWN RISK signs we walked into the main area.

I will admit to having an over active imagination. I envisioned so much more happening when I turned the corner. I thought I would have to crawl over bodies and beat some greedy man off with a stick. It was Ladies Night and the joint was empty. Aside from a couple bartenders and the cleaning crew who were wearing plastic gloves (that made it all so real for me) the clientele was few and far between.

But this was still my first time and I was still very excited. Maybe it’s the kid in me but I felt naughty and sneaky. I was whispering to her and giggling the whole time. We held hands and tiptoed around the club peeking into the closed doors looking for fun and a lot of trouble. As we left the nightclub portion and entered the "love den", ceremoniously the lights lowered. Party dresses were replaced by bare chests and over used towels covering hard dicks. Although it was only a few feet away I could no longer hear the dance music and soft flirty voices. The energy felt like I was in hell’s kitchen. The hunger in everyone’s eyes was unsettling.

Now I like to embellish this fact slightly. I usually say zero when asked but I’ve seen three dicks in my lifetime, many many moons ago. When I leaned into the first room I didn’t see the 50-inch TV with the porn tape rolling on mute, or the Cuban cougar getting her nipples massaged by some old white man, I saw a BIG, LONG, ROUND, FAT JUICY Latin dick and I instantly wanted to suck it…lol…

I know I’m embarrassed. But if y'all would’ve seen it you would have wanted some too. It was just so big and I’ve never seen a guy jerk off before and the way he was stroking it and his rhythm was so steady and I think it was getting bigger with each stroke. He was in the zone playing with his shit and I wanted to stare but she was with me. I knew some “girl you know you really straight” joke would’ve came up and I would’ve popped off. Unwillingly I pulled my eyes away and continued my exploration. We pressed on deeper into the abyss passing plenty of empty rooms where we could’ve did the do but she declined. As we continued to explore the club I realized she was on a mission to prove a point and I had just become an unwilling participant.

When in Rome… So we got our towels and headed into the XXX area of a sex club. The crowd seemed to be awaiting the arrival of the lesbians and even the staff seemed excited for us to disrobe and join the party. Although I was reluctant to be anyone’s sideshow, I could’ve been swayed. My issue was that she wanted to perform in the big room and I couldn’t decide if it was for them or for me. As she became more boorish and aggressive the feeling of my words coming back to haunt me was more and more apparent. I wanted to be in the club and experience all it had to offer but I couldn't get into the act cause she was killing my mood. One, we were having too many relationship issues to be having sex let alone in a sex club. Two, I wasn’t feeling her deeply right at that moment so I didn’t feel safe and respected and three, I’m gay not a novelty sideshow and her pressing me to go into the fish bowl with the big ass looking glass was not the business.

Me being the pushover I am I went laid down my towels and disrobed. So I was feeling sexual but I wasn't horny. I didn’t feel comfortable watching the other people so I wasn’t getting turned on but if we going to lay down to do it in this setting please don’t whisper “baby I want to make love to you” Bitch is you stupid, FUCK ME! No sooner had I propped my head up on the pillow than some middle-aged Hispanic dude plops his ass on the bed next to us talking about “oh ok ok parti timeah.” I was fine with that and perhaps even turned on a little but now she wants to get over protective and starts talking shit. I’m thinking what did you think was going to happen in the orgy room at the sex club!? We commence to “love making” when I felt an awkward tugging on my right nipple. I almost flipped until I realized it was middle-aged Hispanic dude's wife but she put an end to that too. Our audience quickly got bored with the tease and left. To make a long story short I couldn’t cum but I gave her some good head we went home.

Lessons learned: #1 Don’t bring sand to the beach. #2 Everyone deserves a day to step outside of themselves (I should have at least touched the dick).

Have you ever had a shoulda coulda woulda moment?