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Saturday, March 26, 2011

The Drought is Over

"I'll spare you the details but the drought is over."

My heart skipped a beat as the meaning behind his words begun to register. Things with his girlfriend had been rocky over the last few months and intimacy was almost non-existent. But now, now things had changed. I tried hard not to think of the details but I couldn't help it.

I imagined him slowly undressing her, as he had done me. Pushing her long curls behind her ears, cupping her face and slowly kissing her lips. Kissing all over her face. Returning to her lips and tonguing her.

Freeing her boobs from her bra with a quick hand motion, as he had done with me. Slowly sucking and licking each nipple in ways that I am not quite capable of describing. But the feeling was heavenly and brought instant wetness to my lower region.

I painfully imagined him making his way to her secret area and using her legs as earmuffs as he fed...

ENOUGH. No more imagining for me. It was too hurtful to further imagine. It's just that I view what WE share as sacred and special. Something that should not be shared with others. The irony of me not wanting to share is that he is not mine. Not fully. As I am the other woman, she is unknowingly sharing him with me. I guess I'm fine with this because it benefits me but I have a problem sharing. I don't want to share him. I want him all to myself. I love him, he loves me but it's "complicated."

A few hours after our phone convo, I was able to compose myself and give the situation some greater thought. I sent My Guy a text message, "I'm not gonna give you grief baby. I understand. Really I do. The platonic side of me is very happy for you. You deserve peace at home. You deserve to look fwd to going home. You deserve to be desired by your primary. You deserve to have sex initiated. You deserve to spend the night making luv and being made luv 2. You deserve a strong connection - mental, physical and emotional. I won't begrudge u these things baby - I won't. "

It seems I need to accept that these are the feelings that come with Reticent Love. :-(

What do you do when you have no right to feel how you feel?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ur post brought back painful but beautiful memories from the past. Ur best bet is not to think of her at all. Ur right that u have no RT to feel how u do but it's a complicated situation. Good luck