Friday, January 22, 2010
The more I think about this to more dedicated I become to finding such a woman. But where would I look? Is there somewhere in particular I need to go to? Surely the swingers club is not the right location? Intelligent, open minded, sexually and emotionally evolved dark chocolate women interested in a multi-partner arrangement aren't easy to find. Are they?
Monday, January 18, 2010
She said, “You're beautiful,” I replied thank you. She said, “I can really see a future for us,” I replied me too. She said, “ I enjoy spending time with you and I never want it to end,” I replied I feel the same way. I asked, “You wanna be my girlfriend?” She says, “ hold up boo let’s dial it back. I’m not ready for a relationship.”
My reaction; WTF! This is an all too often the scenario played out in bedrooms, over dinner tables and in the back seats of cars. Speaking from my lesbian perspective, friends with benefits and non-titled commitment phobic unions seem to be the acceptable standard. I’m over it. Why is it that every woman I encounter "Isn't ready for a relationship" but your more than ready to make me holla or be your baby momma?
I consider myself a prize. I’m attractive, educated, focused on the bigger picture of family and success. I have all the qualities you say you want in a life partner, yet you don’t want to commit. You say, “I feel trapped and I still want to explore my options.” Well wtf you looking for so I can direct you away from me. My pussy is sweet enough to taste but not good enough to marry or at the very least commit to! And how much longer do you think you can play this game; we knocking at 30’s door and times a tickin’.
What boggles my mind even more is the implied suggestion that I must now wait for you AND be committed to you. Its exceptionally brazen of you to not want a relationship BUT you want to kick it, sleep together, go through my text messages, ask me where I'm at, who I'm with, why I'm there; bitch please. Please don’t take my kindness for weakness. I’m woman enough to like you but momma didn’t raise no fool; I also have options.
Maybe my expectations are too high. Maybe I need to reevaluate me and what I require and expect. But I will no longer be giving you the best, sweetest, wettest parts of me. I’m locking down the kitty kat and we will see how much longer this ambiguous love affair lasts. Maybe I'm trippin’? I just don't want to be that old ass bitch in the club 45 years old single and hitting on all the young girls.
Do we as "progressive" pulled together women put too much emphasis on labels and exclusivity?
Friday, January 15, 2010
I'd kissed all over his chest, counted out his eight-pack with my tongue and was slowly movin down to where I really wanted to be when he stopped me. I thought he was getting ready to tell me he wanted to run the red light tonight but I just wasn't in the mood for the clean up process. I'd have had to deny that request so I'm glad he didn't ask. Instead he turned me over and put his legs on either side of me. For a moment he just stared at me, not saying anyting but just watching. I stared back at him, etching every detail of his perfect body into my memory all over again.
I closed my eyes and imagined us naked on a tropical beach. I pictured him on top of me making more waves than the ocean as he caused my pussy juices to flow from my juicy cunt lips all the way to my asshole and down to the white tropical sand. He held my breasts firmly and I could feel the nerves tingling. He licked and sucked and licked them some more. Through my pajama boy shorts I could feel his hard dick poking my clit just wishing it had all access at that moment. He stopped and stared again. So flattering yet so intimidating at the same time. He then massaged my breasts together first then one at a time.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Looking back I realize that my primary relationship with all it's tumult, sacrifice and joy has been the most stable and reliable constant in my life this past year. Amid all the ups and downs of the last 12 months my relationship has been a meditation within the chaos of my life. A noisy, rarely quiet space, it forced me to concentrate and focus my energy to build the type of union I believed in...taught me to figure out in many ways what it meant to believe...and finally allowed me to transform. I examined the depth of my commitment to my partner...measured and took stock of it in a way I had not before. I learned what it meant to acknowledge that I had not been meeting expectations - both my own and his. I began to say I want, I need, I feel, I think and to own those statements, to voice them in the open, without subterfuge or camoflage.
Relationships, whatever their nature - romantic, platonic, professional - are work. We rarely talk about the work of romantic relationships but work it is. A partnership between us and the other, relationships leave us vulnerable, opening us to success and to failure. Last year I both succumbed to the perils of failure and was exalted on the wings of success. The entire time my partner has been with me, traveling the road at my side, pointing out potholes, navigating with me through traffic jams and detours, searching our map for alternate routes and embracing me as we reach each new destination. He's been my co-pilot reminding me ALLways why the trip was worth taking. I struggled. I cried. I tired. I grew. And in the end, I hoped.
In this new day may I remember that while the good is never simple and the bad is often too much to bear, the hopeful have the presence of mind to dare another day.
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
However, these pillows I found here might actually be a bit too much. Are they complete novelty pieces? weirdo fetishy items for perverts ... or meant to prop your back up while sitting waiting in your gynecologist's office?
What do you all think? Would you put pussy on display like this? ... and why doesn't it come in black, brown, butter pecan for us colored girls?