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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

It's Complicated

My girlfriend text me on Tuesday afternoon "I miss u". I hadn't seen her in a few days, and I was craving some one on one time myself. The instant after I read the text I'd already pictured her kissable lips sucking on my erect nipples. My juices immediately began flowing. So much for concentrating on the paper I was writing :-/. I stared at the phone for a few minutes, knowing she was waiting for a response. "What are u doing 2 day?" SHIT! I didn't know what to say. My schedule for the next week is so hectic I can't imagine taking time out for her. My partner has more free time than usual and is in a bit of an emotional funk. I feel like every moment I spend with her is time I am taking away from caring for him. Even saying her name seems wrong. This is a new feeling and I don't like it one bit. I've never felt this tension before and it's making me really uncomfortable.

I suck pussy and fuck dick because I desire both. But as much as I love both sexes, and the poly lifestyle, I have to admit that maintaining two relationships at once is hard work. Would it be even more tiring to maintain a single meaningful relationship alongside a packed rooster of fuck buddies? I feel like I simply don't have time for that. But perhaps that is more fun and less stressful? I've opted for a long term life partner and a girlfriend and still -
it's complicated. For the record, I still haven't seen T.

Is it truly okay to want two things at once?

4 comments:

Choc'laDee said...

Perhaps not a ROSTER but variety is important--not to mention the girlfriend understanding she is secondary to your primary relationship. It's obviously ok to want two things at once--and fabulous when it works but any relationship requires work (boyfriend, friends etc). However, when feelings are involved along with sex--it requires that much more work. In the grand scheme of things the girlfriend has to know that she is on the outside of things to some degree. It's on you to make her understand when to fall back. Obviously easier said than done....but necessary in any primary relationship involving outside parties.

Pana said...

Idk it's hard to say because sometimes its how people are we want to be selfish sometimes after all we give. On another note is it fair to the people involved? because in the end you don't want to lose both then end alone, and have missed out on something great

Mistress Bliss said...

I agree with both comments. you're at a real crossroads and you have to determine who needs matter now, hers, his or yours. In a poly relationship someone always gets the shorter end of the stick and when you are maintaining 2 relationship, secondary or not, you have to work and literally share yourself for it to work... IDK this is a tough one but all parties involved knew what it was before you all started so folks are gonna have to deal.

Sheba said...

I think she knows her "place" so to speak. That isn't the problem. I think the problem is my feeling that "place" is getting smaller and smaller almost against my will. It might just be I'm stretched to the max right now. When the dust finally clears on Friday, perhaps I'll feel less torn, and my weekend will include fun in all flavors.