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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Nogo, The Impotent Narc: A Tale From Pink's WTF Files

Sometimes, bitches should just leave well enough alone....Well, that's what I think my ass should have done the other night. It started out as a regular night of pre-sleep masturbation. I had decided to stay in on this particular evening, it was about 11 p.m. and was relishing in playbacks of the surprise fuck i received from my main squeeze (I use that term loosely) a few days before. And I was just in the middle of my third orgasm, you know the one that makes you want to say, " Fuck it" and call your In Case of Emergency dick--when my phone rang.

(Clearing throat) "Mmm, Hello?" I said huskily wondering if it was the Dick Delivery Man answering my prayers.

"Hey Pink, what you doin, baby?" he sounded so sexy, I almost started to thank the Goddess when I realized...It was him.

"Him," is a dude that I met through a friend. He was a party promoter at night and by day, he worked as a Narc. Yes, this dude busted dope boys by day and partied with them by night. Ain't that about a bitch? So anyways, because I like to indulge from time to time, have friends who indulge and just generally don't like cops or their cousins...I blew him off. I had successfully dodged his calls, but in my post-nut horny stupor, I slipped on looking at the ID first.

"Uh, Hey Narc. Damn, I haven't heard from you in a while," I said, trying to sound 1) Happy to hear from him and 2) Not like I just finished cumming. #2 didn't work.

"Damn, sexy, if you answered the phone sometimes we would talk. What you over there doing, you sound like you're preoccupied.." He sounded so good and I did kick him to the curb before I tested the goods.

What the hell...

"I was preoccupied fucking myself. But since you interrupted me, why don't you come by and finish me off?"

"Okay baby, give me a half hour."

He was there in 20 minutes. I steered him away from the small talk bullshit by coming to the door in my "Don't talk, just fuck me" outfit of black lace bra and matching boy shorts with hooker-high heels. I was ready, and I didn't want to hear about his day or any of that preliminary bullshit.

"Shit," he said.

"Wrong word. How about Fuck?" I said.

We walked over to the futon. I sat down. Reached for his zipper. He said "Damn girl" I kept going. Tried to keep him from saying as little as possible. I started to suck. He got hard and after a few more obligatory strokes and moans, I bent over. He raced behind me, telling me he couldn't wait to fuck me. He rolled on the condom, pushed up to me

Homie was softer than a dryer sheet. It was a No-Go. I turned around and did the whole, "Let me jack it for you" thing. Then Nogo takes the condom off and asks me to suck it again. I'm not a fan of the taste of spermicide, or soft dicks, so I said, "No, why don't you try again?" I asked, exasperated. His dick got hard for a second, he stepped behind me and then... nothing. Softie McSoftie Pants was not shaking shit.

But this isn't the kicker. Nogo says to me, "Well, it's probably because of the condom." Then he looks up at me with this "Pleaseeee let me hit it raw?!?" kind of look. HELL NO HOMIE!! I mean, seriously, did this dude just try to run some high school game on me? Dude, I'm not fucking you raw. Sorry if it can't stay hard, playa... but I don't play Russian Roulette. Fall back, Pimpin'. Waay back.

I used my irateness behind his insane suggestion as the reason for kicking his ass out immediately. Mutherfucker wasted my time. I should've had a fucking V8.

Have you ever had to call the cops on a limp cock?


Sheba said...

Awwww. That's so sad. I was so ready to endorse him too. Does he get a second chance? Maybe he was just "off" that night? It seems such a shame for a beautiful dick to go to waste.

The Fury said...

Oh dammnnnnnn!

Mistress Bliss said...

Ummm You could eat the box real good nothing to make up for the wet noodle? How sad