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Wednesday, July 29, 2009

N.R.A. (No Recklessness Allowed): Another Tale From Pink's WTF Files

Okay, so I can admit, I've had a pretty good run of online matchmaking. I met a sexy pornstar who fucked me incessantly, a well-hung Jamaican who knows how to make me explode and, hell, even the not-so-cute chick I met on Craig's List gave me some fire ass head. But all it takes is one. One slightly off-his-rocker dude that had ya girl Pink thinking about "takin' it back to tha old school" and leaving the internet's blind eye alone.

I met this dude on a popular adult personals site and we exchanged a few online interactions. We spoke on the phone and he told me that he was a probation officer, and a father. He was funny, we teased each other with naughty picture text messages and after a while, decided to meet.

He came over on a week night. Late as fuck. When I opened the door, I was taken aback by the fact that he wasn't clean-shaven. And not like he was gruffy in a sexy way, but gruffy like no haircut, no shave, I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-first-impressions-gruffy. Strike One. Then, as he hugged me "hello", I noticed the smell of alcohol on him. He had showed up, drunk. Strike Two. But that wasn't the kicker.

He was there, not bad looking, and I kind of hornied myself up to the point of no return, so I was going to attempt fucking him. Maybe that would be his only saving grace. Well, let me just say, it never even got that far. As he was disrobing, I couldn't help but notice the shiny and very real handgun that he pulled out of his waist. What the FUCK??!? Um, no. Homie don't play that.

So I asked, "Why the fuck did you bring a gun into my house?"

Sniper said, "I don't ever leave home without it, didn't I mention that?"

"Hell no you didn't. You know I'm here by myself. Why the fuck you need to bring a gun up here?"

Sniper paused. His drunk ass started smirking and said, "Ya know. I have an ex-girlfriend who used to get turned on by me putting the gun next to her head when we..."

I cut his ass off. "Hell nah. Nah, buddy. That's not my kind of Kink. I don't play with guns. And I don't fuck dudes who sneak guns into my crib. I don't give a fuck what your ex liked!"

Stumbling with his belt, trying to figure if it was coming on or off, Sniper said, "Look, I can take the clip out. I can just lay it on the pillow or table next to the bed..."

Now I know this fool is crazy. Now was the time when I had to tell this dude to make like George W. and "GET THE FUCK OUT!!"

GTFO Pictures, Images and Photos

Ever have an encounter that made you think twice about your dating karma?


ChocDrop said...

Holy shit. OMG, that is ridiculous. That would have been something he Would have mentioned and not left out. I am glad you got rid of him as fast as you could.

Damn, I have to admit this is the one time masturbation rules the crib!!!!

There is always one damn person to screw things all up.

Dewey's System said...

I get that you were pissed off and that this dude had three strikes, plus two more outs just on the gun alone, but your GTFO graphic is making me laugh my ass off. I keep looking at it.

Sorry to hear about the fucktard.