N.R.A. (No Recklessness Allowed): Another Tale From Pink's WTF Files

Okay, so I can admit, I've had a pretty good run of online matchmaking. I met a sexy pornstar who fucked me incessantly, a well-hung Jamaican who knows how to make me explode and, hell, even the not-so-cute chick I met on Craig's List gave me some fire ass head. But all it takes is one. One slightly off-his-rocker dude that had ya girl Pink thinking about "takin' it back to tha old school" and leaving the internet's blind eye alone.

I met this dude on a popular adult personals site and we exchanged a few online interactions. We spoke on the phone and he told me that he was a probation officer, and a father. He was funny, we teased each other with naughty picture text messages and after a while, decided to meet.

He came over on a week night. Late as fuck. When I opened the door, I was taken aback by the fact that he wasn't clean-shaven. And not like he was gruffy in a sexy way, but gruffy like no haircut, no shave, I-don't-give-a-fuck-about-first-impressions-gruffy. Strike One. Then, as he hugged me "hello", I noticed the smell of alcohol on him. He had showed up, drunk. Strike Two. But that wasn't the kicker.

He was there, not bad looking, and I kind of hornied myself up to the point of no return, so I was going to attempt fucking him. Maybe that would be his only saving grace. Well, let me just say, it never even got that far. As he was disrobing, I couldn't help but notice the shiny and very real handgun that he pulled out of his waist. What the FUCK??!? Um, no. Homie don't play that.

So I asked, "Why the fuck did you bring a gun into my house?"

Sniper said, "I don't ever leave home without it, didn't I mention that?"

"Hell no you didn't. You know I'm here by myself. Why the fuck you need to bring a gun up here?"

Sniper paused. His drunk ass started smirking and said, "Ya know. I have an ex-girlfriend who used to get turned on by me putting the gun next to her head when we..."

I cut his ass off. "Hell nah. Nah, buddy. That's not my kind of Kink. I don't play with guns. And I don't fuck dudes who sneak guns into my crib. I don't give a fuck what your ex liked!"

Stumbling with his belt, trying to figure if it was coming on or off, Sniper said, "Look, I can take the clip out. I can just lay it on the pillow or table next to the bed..."

Now I know this fool is crazy. Now was the time when I had to tell this dude to make like George W. and "GET THE FUCK OUT!!"

Ever have an encounter that made you think twice about your dating karma?